I Can't Wait Forever
by Pennington
Summary: Kyle's been in love with Stan for a long time, and it's starting to get really painful. He realizes he has a couple of options. He can tell Stan how he feels, and risk losing him forever; he can quietly let his feelings eat away at him until he's a bitter shell of a person; or he can move on.
1. Prologue

Author's notes

Hello! So, um, this is the first story I've ever gathered up the nerve to post somewhere... And I'm pretty nervous about it because I don't think my writing's all that good? But I guess it can't possibly be the _worst_ thing ever written, so I decided to go ahead and post it, and just see what people had to say. :)

First off, this is part of a story I've been writing for a few years (not because it's _that_ long, or even _that_ good, I'm just a really bad procrastinator). I started reading it to my best friend as I wrote it, and she said she wanted me to finish it. So I kept writing... But eventually, at some point, I realized that I hated it. Like, _r__e__ally_ hated the direction it was going. I told my friend I was going to quit writing it, and she got pissed (understandably, I can't stand when authors do that). So I decided that rather than trash the whole thing, I could just rewrite it. And even with just the prologue rewritten, I'm already so much happier about it. I would never post the original draft anywhere, ever... But just trust me, this one is _much_ less jumbled and awful, and even though my writing still isn't great, it's improved a lot since I first started writing this.

So, yeah, this is just the prologue. I know it's really short, but hopefully the next chapters will start getting longer. :)

And kind of as a warning, this will take me a _while_ to write, and I hate that that's the case... But I'm kind of hoping that reviews will help me find the motivation to get off my ass and write.

Okay, pairings, warnings, etc.

Style, Kyman, and Stendy are the main pairings, but I'm pretty dead-set on fitting Bunny in here somewhere too. There'll probably be some background Creek, and a few others, too. Maybe.

I can't really think of any warnings I need to mention? I mean, other than language... but if you're old enough to be watching South Park you should be pretty desensitized to swearing by now. But if anything happens to come up that might be triggering or something, I'll mention it at the beginning of the chapter.

This should stay at a "T" rating... I'm really bad at writing sex scenes, so I try to avoid them. It's for your own good, believe me.

Anyway, for those of you that didn't skip this author's note, thank you so much for taking the time to read the whole thing! You are a diamond in the rough, really. :) And I swear the rest of my author's notes won't be this long.

If you like the prologue, your review would be much appreciated! And even if you didn't like it, maybe you could tell me what I did wrong? It would really help me improve. :)

Oh, and the story will be mostly (if not completely) in third person limited, but it'll switch points of view occasionally. It'll be pretty obvious when I switch though, and I'll try not to do it very often.

* * *

All Kyle can seem to think about is Stan. Stan with his stupid beautiful black hair and really fucking stupid deep blue eyes; with his stupid face and sunkissed skin, and especially the three goddamn cute but still dumb freckles on his face that he only has because he's always in the sun. Everything about him is stupid. And fuck him, because he's stupid, too.

Can he honestly not tell that Kyle is in love with him? Honestly? It's true that Kyle does take pride in covering his tracks well in regards to his feelings, but Stan's supposed to be the only one that he can't fool. Apparently, he was just unlucky enough to land the most oblivious and stupid person on earth as a super best friend, and true love, for lack of a better word.

Stan is also apparently just stupid enough not to notice that the smiles Kyle throws on whenever Wendy and how great she is comes up in conversation are completely fake. Couldn't be more so, in fact. They're all he can do to keep himself from crumpling up in a blubbering heap and confessing everything. But, in most cases, they only last until he can get himself alone.

Currently, Kyle is collapsed on his bed, huddled under the blankets, trying not to start crying. Kyle could possibly put up with Stan's constant talking about Wendy. He could possibly put up with seeing them together, being disgustingly lovey-dovey. He could possibly even put up with the unfortunate times when he finds himself stuck hanging out with just them, no Kenny or even Cartman to distract him. But what he can't put up with, what hurts him a lot more than Stan even seems to realize, is when Stan prioritizes Wendy over him. When he forgoes their plans (sometimes even forgetting to inform Kyle) to spend time with Wendy, instead.

He has to remind himself sometimes that Stan actually has no idea how he feels. He shouldn't treat this situation like Stan is cheating on him, because he technically isn't. But, even forgetting that for a second, they are supposed to be _super best friends_. Even though they stopped openly calling themselves that as soon as they left elementary school, it still applies. And, Kyle thinks, isn't it common knowledge or something that you aren't supposed to let your girlfriend get in the way of your friends? Especially your super best friend?

It's frustrating. And if Kyle had a boyfriend, or hell, even a girlfriend, they would sure as hell take a back seat to Stan. Then again, maybe that's exactly why he _doesn't _have one. But he thinks he'd rather have a best friend, anyway, especially if that best friend is Stan (even if he doesn't think the same way).

Kyle looks at his phone for the millionth time that night, easily remembering word-for-word what Stan's text said, atrocious spelling mistakes and all.

'nt coming ovr tonight man sry wends said she wants to see me'

He sent it exactly forty-three minutes after he was supposed to have shown up at Kyle's house. Among other things Kyle could infer from that, he realizes that Stan really made it look like texting him was an afterthought, and that as soon as Wendy came up he immediately forgot he had any plans with Kyle. This especially makes Kyle feel like an idiot, because he had realized Stan was running late, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. His mistake.

Not only was the whole thing insulting, but cleaning up everything he'd set up specifically to make the night fantastic was nothing short of completely depressing.

You see, as if male sleepovers in junior year weren't gay enough already, Kyle and Stan had to take it a few steps further. Kyle, ever the organization freak, always sets up a specific spot for the games to go, a specific spot for the voted upon ice cream flavor (sugar free, of course) and other snacks, and pillow pallets on the floor to sleep on. Stan is only a little less neat, but with basically the same setup.

Having to clean all of that up is pretty humiliating, somehow. It only seems to bring to light how stupid the whole thing is, and that he only really does it because Stan enjoys it (right?). And Stan didn't even show up. All of this crap was for nothing.

After having put all the food back, Kyle decided at some point to leave the ice cream in his room. It doesn't exactly help that it's Stan's favorite flavor, but whatever, Kyle will take whatever comfort he can get right now.

* * *

The thing Stan likes most about Wendy is her eyes. They're a kind of grayish-blue (that's how he would describe it), not a color you honestly see every day. They look kind of like a stormy sky.

The two of them are currently sitting on a park bench at Stark's Pond, admittedly freezing to death, but warm enough in each other's arms to be okay with it.

They're back together, Stan realizes with a sigh. She regrets cheating on him. He knows he shouldn't be okay with that, and definitely shouldn't take her back, but he just so happens to be completely head-over-heels for this girl. He can't seem to forget about her, ever. And so what if she breaks his heart occasionally? He can tell that she really loves him, too, so he'll take what he can get.

Her arms slide away after a minute, and she pulls back a couple inches so she can look at him. She appears to be thinking about something for a moment, before putting her hand gently over Stan's cheek and leaning in until their lips are touching.

She doesn't waste any time deepening the kiss until Stan becomes responsive, moving his own lips against hers and bringing his hands up to encircle her back.

Stan has always liked kissing Wendy, which only has a little to do with the strawberry chap stick she always wears. He likes everything about it: holding her, running his hands through her silky hair, feeling her soft lips molding around his. It feels almost too good; almost like something he shouldn't be lucky enough for. But by the grace of whatever God is out there, he still gets her.

She pulls back eventually, smiling at him like she's never been this happy.

"Thanks for coming, Stan," she says. He smiles back.

"Any time," he replies, pulling her in for another kiss before she can notice his smile dim just the slightest bit. He ditched Kyle to come here. He's pretty sure that makes him a bad friend, but Kyle will forgive him. He always does.

He realizes that it probably isn't fair to do things like this just because he knows he can get away with it. In fact, he knows it isn't. But Wendy is, and always has been, a huge part of his life, and for whatever reason he can't stop himself from running back to her as soon as she wants him again. He thinks it's love, though. Not just teen romance movie kind of love, but, real love. The kind of love that brings you back to the same person after years of separation.

Kyle knows how much Wendy means to Stan, so he'll be happy for him. He'll understand. And when Stan calls him tonight to beg for forgiveness, he'll be okay with it, and they can both celebrate how Stan's got the love of his life back again.


	2. Chapter 1

Author's Notes:

Oh geez, thank you guys so much for the nice reviews! They helped me feel a lot less anxious about this story! :D

I planned to give myself a week to update this, and I more-or-less made my goal... I think it would be a bit too ambitious of me to promise any kind of consistent updates, but I'll try to never take longer than two weeks!

Well, I have to be honest, this chapter was really hard for me to write... mostly because dialogue is, to put it lightly, not my cup of tea. And dialogue is essentially all this chapter is, aside from the minor exposition. I'm just a little (that's a lie, more like very) awkward in person... And I have this terrible fear that it's noticeable when I write people talking. If you think it is, maybe you could give me some tips on how to make it less obvious? That would help an unbelievable amount... :)

This chapter is kind of just... filler, I guess. But I think it explains enough about the situation to be included in the story anyway. And also, I know I promised the chapters would start getting longer, but this one is only barely longer, I think. Actually, reading over it again, it is dreadfully short, and the ending sounds really rushed... But I'll try harder to hit more than two thousand words in the next chapter, and hopefully more than that soon.

Cortez30, don't worry, one of the things I really didn't like about my first draft of this story was my characterization of Wendy (she was pretty much a bitch), and I decided before I posted the first chapter that I would take special care to make her a good person this time. She's one of my favorites, too! :)

So, I have a question for you guys. What would you think if I wrote a Bunny chapter next? I spent the better part of three days reading a really long Style fanfiction, and because of a particular side-pairing that was included, it left me feeling really sad, a little frustrated, and itching to write something about Kenny and Butters... Would anyone be opposed? It's okay if you are, feel free to tell me in the reviews.

Just one more thing. In case anyone cares, the song I mention in the first paragraph is Reason Dies, by Shiban.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!

* * *

Kyle sits up in bed, bleary-eyed and still very tired, to find the noise that woke him up. It's still going on; a loud, badly recorded song that Kyle only after a solid ten seconds realizes is Stan's ringtone on his phone. More specifically a shitty-sounding recording of _Reason Dies,_ which was one of Stan's favorite fucking songs at the time. Kyle snatches his phone off his bedside table, eyeing the picture of Stan that's popped up on his screen, deliberating whether or not he should ignore it.

After a few seconds he decides to just man up and answer, trying to remind himself that he doesn't actually have a legit reason to _be_ so pissed. He has to answer it quickly, before it cuts off.

"Hello?" His voice cracks a bit, and he notices he sounds just a little bit like some kind of zombie. Oh well, maybe it'll make Stan feel bad. He'd fucking deserve it.

"Hey. Did I wake you up?" Kyle has to suppress a scoff. A quick glance at the clock tells him it's almost three in the morning, so what kind of normal person wouldn't be asleep?

"You did." He tries to pump those two words with as much sarcasm as possible, but in his sleep-deprived state they come out more monotonous than anything else.

"Ah, shit. I'm sorry," Stan says.

"Okay."

"No, I am!" He sounds almost offended for a second, before his tone evens out to an apologetic one, "And," he pauses, the static over the phone becoming nearly unbearable during the two seconds he doesn't speak, until, finally, he continues, "I'm sorry for bailing- that was… really shitty."

"Yeah, it was," Kyle agrees.

"Please don't be mad at me, Kyle," Stan almost pleads, and Kyle finds he can't suppress his scoff this time.

"Okay, Stan, whatever you say."

"Kyle!" It's pretty obvious at this point that Stan's getting frustrated. Kyle knows he's being immature, but the thing is, he doesn't exactly care. Nobody personally forced Stan to see Wendy, he did it willingly, and he knew Kyle would be mad at him. So, as far as Kyle is concerned, he kind of deserves this. "Stop being a jerk! I know you're pissed, and I don't blame you, but damn. You don't have to act like I betrayed you or something... I'm trying to apologize."

"And you're doing a great job, really. Keep it up." The sarcasm in his voice is pretty successful this time.

"Kyle..."

"What?"

"Stop."

"Stop?"

"Just- yeah. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you, I'll just..." he trails off for a second, before sighing like he's angry or... upset, or both, "I'll leave you alone-"

"Stan," Kyle interrupts before Stan can hang up on him. He finally sits up in the bed, pushing his comforter down to his feet and scooting backwards to lean against the headboard, "God dammit, Stan, fuck you. You're an ass, you know that? You just do whatever the fuck you want to do, whenever the fuck you want to do it, because what does it matter that you already have plans with your _best friend_? And you only do that shit because you know I can't stay mad at you!" Kyle tenses a bit at the realization that, yeah, he's already kind of forgiven Stan. Just like he always does when Stan ditches him to do something else (usually a girl). He supposes that makes him the textbook example of a pushover.

"So you forgive me?" Stan's voice sounds so hopeful for a second that Kyle's irritation almost vanishes completely. Just almost.

"Did you not hear anything else I just fucking said?" He rakes his hand through his curls, ignoring the occasional snagging it causes, "You knew I'd forgive you."

Kyle knows it's damn crazy, but he swears he can feel Stan's grinning.

"Thanks, Kyle."

"Yeah, it's fine..."

They're quiet for a few seconds, and Kyle almost falls asleep again just before Stan says something into the phone. Something that sounds suspiciously like, 'me and Wendy are going out again', but Kyle must have heard wrong.

"What?" he asks, rubbing his face to try to wake himself up.

"I _said _me and Wendy are going out again..." Kyle's lips instantly pull into a frown. Wendy and Stan, _together_, is never a very good thing, regardless of what Stan has tricked himself into believing.

"... You're serious?" Kyle asks after a second, really hopeful that his best friend is just playing some kind of joke. But, on second thought, this isn't very funny at all.

"Yeah, man!" Kyle winces at the happiness in Stan's voice. He's dead fucking serious.

"Stan... Jesus Christ..." he mutters, dragging his hand across his face and sliding forward until he's lying down on the bed again. For some reason, it never crossed his mind that they might decide to 'rekindle their lost love', or some shit, even if he should have seen it coming.

This will be about the seventh time they've gotten together, just since freshman year. _Seventh._ Shouldn't there be a point that you realize when a person just isn't right for you?

It's not so much that Stan now has a girlfriend again, and Kyle has, in a sense, missed his opportunity to go for single Stan for the time being. Yes, that's part of why he's so irritated about this, but the problem lies more in the fact that it's Wendy- again.

Wendy is a nice girl, really, and Kyle actually admires her a lot- more so than he'd admit to anybody. She's smart- really smart- in nearly every subject in school, and rarely comes out of a class without the highest of scores; and this is something that, admittedly, Kyle is jealous of. She doesn't seem like she tries too extraordinarily hard, she just _is_ that smart; whereas Kyle's brains are due mostly to constant work, and only slightly to natural talent. Frankly, it's frustrating.

Not only is she smart enough to make nearly anyone feel inferior if she wanted to, but she is gorgeous. She's not sexy like Bebe Stevens, who has pronounced curves and a striking face; and she's not even cute like Red, who has a short stature and a round, rosy face. She's beautiful in entirely her own, effortless way. Kyle isn't exactly sure if it's ridiculous or not for a guy his age to be jealous of a girl's looks, but he is. He's insanely jealous of her long, soft, ebony black hair that looks perfect whether it's down or in an updo. He's even more jealous of how that hair frames her face, just as pale as his own but somehow without appearing pasty, as he's convinced his does.

Honestly? He feels like a piece of shit in comparison; like it's an absolute joke for him to actually think Stan might, under any circumstances, consider him when Wendy exists. So, there's that, but there's also the fact that, in Kyle's opinion, they don't _get_ each other.

Wendy is, in a lot of ways, an activist. She does everything with a sort of wild passion that isn't really matched by many people in South Park (save for Mrs. Broflovski, of course...), which is the exact opposite of Stan, who doesn't seem to care about anything if it doesn't directly concern himself, his family, his friends, or animals. And that's almost true, because his concern _is_ very limited when it comes to everything else.

Wendy and Stan even argue about this... a lot. Wendy always gets mad at Stan for not caring, and Stan gets mad at Wendy for wanting him to care. Kyle sees both of their points, honestly (not that he'd tell Stan), but he's gotten the impression that this isn't something they're ever going to work out.

Maybe Kyle is stupid for thinking that something like that even matters in a relationship. It's supposed to be about loving the other person, right? Not agreeing with all of their qualities. But, at the same time, he's of the firm belief that if they can't see eye-to-eye on such a basic level, they shouldn't be together.

Stan's voice breaks him out of his reverie, forcing him to return his focus to the _present_, and the fact that Stan doesn't learn after breaking up with the same person multiple times.

"Dude, I thought you _liked_ Wendy," Stan says, but it sounds like a question. I thought you liked Wendy- so what's the problem?

"It's not that I don't like Wendy, Stan," Kyle says, not exactly feeling prepared to deal with this shit at three in the morning, "Don't be ridiculous." He really hopes Stan will just drop it. He doesn't want to talk about how wrong Wendy is for him, at least, not right now. Not when he's still feeling like second-best. "Look, could we talk tomorrow? I have to get to sleep."

"Oh..." Stan sounds dejected for a second, before adding, "We don't have to talk about Wendy if you don't want to, dude. I mean, since I didn't come over today- er, yesterday, we didn't get to see each other, so I kind of wanted to talk to you anyway. Unless you're too tired or something, it's okay..."

"Uh," Kyle isn't sure what to say. Not that he didn't expect Stan to give up talking about Wendy so easily, but... Actually, yeah, he didn't expect it. "Yeah, I can stay on the phone a little longer."

"Okay, good. So," Kyle can hear Stan chuckling to himself, "Did you hear about what Craig did yesterday?"

And just like that, they lapse right into normal conversation. Well, what constitutes _normal_ for a teenager in South Park, anyway. And, for the time being, Kyle's successfully managed to avoid the topic of Wendy, as well as his unrequited feelings. Maybe, if he can just keep this up for a few more years, he'll eventually be over it. He can hope so, anyway.


End file.
